Monday Musings….The Fifth One!

Darius Rucker says that Hootie and the Blowfish reuniting is imminent.

As is the fact that no one really cares….well except for a few people that are also excited about the next thing on my list.

 

Netflix to do a reboot of Full House.

D.J. and Kimmie Gibbler are living together with their own kids. I’m as excited about this as I am about Hootie coming back. Did no one get the memo that the 90’s weren’t all that great.

 

Steven Tyler to release a country album.

Is this the rockers’ revenge for the Country folks giving the world Taylor Swift?

 

Disney plans to make a live action Winnie the Pooh and Mulan.

Please someone tell them to stop the insanity. Are they trying to piss Walt off enough that he’ll come back from the dead as a zombie and start eating their brains, because if so I think it’s too late. Their brains are already gone.

 

Bob Barker Returns to The Price is Right.

It was an April Fool’s joke, but the joke was on him because everyone thought he was dead.

 

Tom Cotton, an Arkansas Senator, confirms himself as an Idiot of the highest order.

He says gays in America need to chill out over the recent hate laws passed by his party since at least it’s not like Iran where gays are beheaded. Wow, dude so what you are saying is we are the bastion of freedom because we don’t behead people who have differing opinions. Good to know, IDIOT!

 

NBC promotes their new limited series A.D.: The Bible Continues with Sam Smith’s Stay With Me as background music.

There are just so many things wrong with this, that I don’t even know where to begin.

 

Word leaks that Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell are making a Lifetime Movie about child surrogacy so they yank it from development.

If leaking information about an upcoming movie is all it takes to get it stopped, Hey Disney, your live action Dumbo and Winnie the Pooh have been leaked……

 

House of Cards is renewed for a season four.

Thank you God. Or, should I say “Thank You, Frank!”? Now I don’t have to throw anyone in front of a subway train.

 

FOX Newscaster Chris Wallace fat-shames Kelly Clarkson, then apologizes.

Seriously, Dude? You are just lucky that everyone else doesn’t idiot shame you….oh never mind you work for FOX News, you can’t be any more idiot shamed than that.

 BONUS

 

Cardinals beat Cubs during first game of season.

There’s no news there, I just need to put it out here for all the Cubbie Fans!

Monday’s Musings

So every Monday I plan on postings my thoughts on a few of the top pop culture stories from the past week. Just my musings that make me think and maybe chuckle.

 

Justin Bieber turned 21 yesterday.

First of all, you mean to tell me that this thing hasn’t been a teenage for over a year? Why does he get to keep acting like a spoiled one? Secondly, how does he get to share a birthday with Javier Bardeem, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Lupita Nyongo, Ron Howard, Tim Daly, David Niven, Lana Wood, and Harry Belafonte. Oh never mind, they were all born before him, so by the time he was born all the talent given away for that day was already taken.

 

Lupita Nyongo’s pearl Oscar dress is stolen and then returned because the pearls were fakes.

Wait there was something at the Oscars that was fake? Well besides half of the bodies and relationships.

 

ABC announces that How to Get Away with Murder has been renewed for a second season!

I can’t speak for anybody else but I’m glad they announced it, I was so scared that it wouldn’t be. Okay no I wasn’t. Of course it was going to be renewed. Shonda Rhymes just proved to the world she knows how to get away with murder. Who at ABC wanted to risk not renewing it? Duh!

 

Dakota Johnson does an ISIS spoof on Saturday Night Live and everyone is upset with her.

We’re not upset with her for Fifty Shades of Grey, but mocking a Honda ad and, oh my gosh, we must all hate her?

 

Kris Jenner signs 100 million dollar deal with E! Network.

Seriously? The Kardashian clan gets $100 million for being annoying on national television. I can find 100 people who will be willing to do that for $500,000.

 

Graham Moore, Oscar winning writer for The Imitation Game is not gay.

Everyone assumed he was since during his acceptance speech he said he attempted suicide when he was 16 because he was different. Obviously the only kind of different there is at sixteen is gay? Wow, there is something seriously wrong with that picture.

 

Facebook explodes over a picture of a dress.

The dress is apparently blue and black but some people think it is white and gold, because it looks white and gold in a certain light and on certain phones and to certain people, but black and blue to other people , in a different light on a different phone. This was like a whole day thing on facebook in ‘Merica? Homeland Security funding almost didn’t get resolved, but thankfully we all know the dress was really ugly. We truly are the greatest country!

Focus is top grossing movie of the weekend with only 19.1 million.

Will Smith makes a movie that isn’t a box office hit? Well, actually he hasn’t made one that has been in a while, so there is no news here, I just wanted to deflate his ego just a little bit more!

 

Netflix releases season three of House of Cards.

Then the south and midwest gets hit with snow storm that forces people to stay home and binge it all weekend. Well really let’s face reality, everyone was going to stay home and watch it anyway, but now they could do it without having to admit they secretly enjoyed the havoc that the Underwoods heap on Washington DC!

 

Leonard Nimoy, the one and only true Spock, passes away at 83.

I have nothing snarky to say to this. I just need to acknowledge that we lost an icon.

Let’s Be Frank About Tomorrow….

Well, tomorrow is the big day. The third most important day of the year. The first of course being my birthday (249 shopping days left people). The second being Academy Award Sunday. And then there is tomorrow! What, you ask, is tomorrow? I’m going to pretend that you didn’t ask, because you have to know. I mean, come on, how could you not know? Seriously, if you don’t know I’m not exactly sure what part of the rainforest you have been in, but welcome back to society and the world where Frank Underwood is the scariest politician ever. Yes, even scarier than George W.

Tomorrow Netflix releases the third season of House of Cards. Yes, that is right, the best web series in the short-lived history of web series, and one of the best series ever, period, is finally returning for us all to savor…. or binge, whichever is your preference. Now if you are not one of those people who has discovered this show, I encourage you to find one of your friends that is watching it and tell them that you are not watching the show. I don’t as a general rule of thumb endorse violence, but you do indeed deserve the slap across the back of the head that you will get. Well at least you would if I were that friend, because believe me it is much more important that you watch this show than it is that you drink any glass of V8.

House of Cards stars Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood, a man who almost makes Dick Cheney seem angelic, and Robin Wright as his wife, a woman who makes Hillary Clinton seem like she is lacking in ambition. Add to that a supporting cast that includes a who’s who of character actors that you have seen in everything else but never noticed until now when their character does something totally shocking, smarmy and at the very least borderline illegal. Michael Kelly as Frank’s Chief of Staff, Doug Stamper, is especially good at bringing the smarm (is that a word?) to a whole new level. Even the characters that you think actually have some form of a moral compass are bound to shock you with something like, I don’t know, let’s say a secret service threesome. Yeah, that’s right a threesome with two corrupt politicians and their “bodyman”. Now if that doesn’t give the term “bodyman” a whole new meaning I don’t know what could.

If I told you some of the stuff the politicians on this show do you wouldn’t believe me, because it all just seems ridiculous and impossible. Let me stop right here and assure you that the writers of this show are not Shonda Rhymes bat shit crazy. We’re not going to see live Presidential Mistress Auctions. But we are going to see drugs, alcoholism, backstabbing, dirty dealings, sexual liaisons that know no boundaries, and oh maybe a few murders. And just when you think they have reached a new level of low they go even lower. Yeah I know how ridiculous that sounds. It’s Washington DC, they’re politicians in the public eye. How could they get away with all of that? But that’s the secret of the show’s success. Nothing they do is that unbelievable. We want to believe that it could never happen, not in our nation’s capital. We want to believe that none of that WILL ever happen, not in the hallowed halls of our government. But then we realize that it might, it could, oh crap, some of it probably has. It will make even a God fearing Republican long for the days of a Josiah Bartlett presidency.

The show is produced by Dana Brunetti, Andrew Davies, Michael Dobbs, and David Fincher. Yes that David Fincher. The director behind Seven, Fight Club, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and Gone Girl. So you know we are dealing with one hell of a twisted mind. And boy does this show deliver some twists and turns that just leaves you speechless. Fincher himself has directed a few episodes, as has Allen Coulter, Joel Schumacher and Jodie Foster. The quality is as good as any movie. I think that may be the reason why it is so hard not to binge watch, you just want to keep going because it is all so fast paced, enthralling, and beautiful to watch.

The show is based off of a BBC miniseries from 1990, oddly enough also called House of Cards, which itself was based on a book written by Michael Dobbs, that true to form has the same title. I mention this because if you get as caught up in this show as I have, a few weeks after watching all of the episodes for at least the second time you will want to watch and read more House of Cards and neither the book or the original BBC series will disappoint, nor does it quite live up to the beauty of Netflix’s monster hit.

Now I know it is on Netflix and you may not have Netflix, but the great thing is you can join Netflix for one month for $8.99. Once you watch this season you can discontinue your membership until next February when they upload the fourth season. And if you are wondering, THERE WILL BE A FOURTH SEASON, because if there isn’t a fourth season I may be forced to throw someone in front of a subway train, and if you don’t think that would kill you, well……