My Stories (Yes I Mean My Soaps)

After a hard day’s work I just want to crawl home and sleep. Oh please, who am I kidding I have been unemployed since a week before Christmas so I haven’t done a hard day’s work in 6 months. I am kind of looking forward to starting my new job in July and actually having a hard day of work. Right now my days pretty much consist of walking the big black beast, or does he walk me? I’m never quite for sure. Then I come home and play around on my computer and watch some soaps. Yeah, I’m a guy who watches soap operas. Two of them, Days of Our Lives and Young and the Restless.

I wish I could tell you I watch them because the acting is so good….but it’s not. I wish I could tell you I watch them because the stories are so real and moving, but they’re not. I wish I could tell you that I watch them because of the high quality production values, but let’s be real.  I watch them because I’m not for sure what my life would be like without the Hortons, the Bradys, The Dimeras, The Abbots and the Newmans. I started watching Days when I was in high school, so we’re talking for almost 35 years . I started watching Y&R while in college, so there we are only talking about 25 years. But I’m attached to them.

I love Hope Williams Craig Brady Black Brady….yep that’s right people I know that she once was a Craig, married to that corrupt DA Larry Craig, even though Howie Hoffstedder and Alice Horton arranged for her to be kidnapped by Bo at the Altar. One of the best scenes ever on a soap was when Larry pulled up that veil and there was Howie with his ugly mug puckering up for a kiss! CLASSIC!!! And then the next week they cut to Bo and Hope riding away on a motorcycle to “Holding Out for a Hero”. That almost made me believe in love…..if I hadn’t known by then that love is just an illusion. And OMG, was Hope not the most beautiful person alive. She’s still gorgeous, but I liked her with a little bit more meat on her bones than she has now.

Name a character from Days after 1980 and I can probably tell you more about them than I can most other people in my life. Well unless it was form like 2006-2008. I tried giving up on the show during that period, but I got sucked back in by EJ and Sami. Don’t ask me why, I never really liked Sami. And I thought EJ was just such a contrived character that should be younger than Will, Sami’s oldest child. Oh how I love the way Soap Operas play fast and loose with characters’ ages. Apparently this summer Kayla and Patch’s little boy Joey, who is always in the kitchen with Grandma Carolyn, is going to come out of the kitchen as a teenager. Pretty sure the little guy should be like all of 8 years old, but now he’s going to be older than Ciara? They better not age Ciara, because they have the perfect mini-hope in that actress.

Anyway, enough about Days! The real reason I decided to write this is because I wanted to rant about Y&R. WHY DO I WATCH THIS SHOW? WHY DOES ANYONE WATCH THIS SHOW? I mean the acting is maybe a tad bit better than Days, but other than that this show is currently the suckiest show on TV. Well except for anything on Bravo or TLC. But that’s not really television, that’s like fake TV.

They switched head writers about three months ago, and seriously people WTF? Every character on the show has done a complete 180. There is not one redeemable character now, well except for maybe Kevin, although Kevin has been part of the youth storylines for like 10 years now, can we please get him out of the youth storyline. The characters I used to like are ruined. Victoria is a slutty self-righteous bitch. Nicholas is a moron being controlled by a neurotic ex and his spoiled little witch of a daughter. Nickie, has hit the bottle about five times too many. Seriously can we please be done with her alcoholism soon, you’ve hit that storyline way too much. Jack has a drug crime lord that looks just like him and sounds like him and is pretending to be him as he goes around murdering people? The college kids are sleuths solving crimes and the chief of police is letting them? Dylan, drops Avery for Psycho Sharon in one day? Michael is dying of cancer so he forces Lauren to divorce him? And then there is Victor, who I have hated from the first episode of this show I watched, but his latest scheme is so ridiculous and what makes it even more ridiculous is that we know that in six months it will be over and everyone will have forgiven him and he’ll be doing something else illegal and stupid. WHY AM I WATHCING THIS CRAP?

Okay, that’s my tirade for the day. Aren’t you glad you asked what I do after a hard day’s work?

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