The chore I hate doing the most is anything to do with yard work. Okay, full disclosure. I don’t do yard work. That is how much I hate it. I gladly pay to have it done. Well, since I said full disclosure, I don’t gladly pay to have it done, but I do pay to have it done. Seriously, if you are one of those people that enjoy doing yard work, God love ya! And if you ever lived in the south, like I did for 10 years, you know that is my polite way of saying you need to have your head examined. I mean come on yard work is hard. It makes you sweat. It makes you dirty. It makes you tired. It’s just not something I like. And I’m not ashamed to admit it.
I’m an indoors type of guy. I like being inside with air conditioning and comfortable seating. Preferably with my dog sitting next to me, snuggling and loving me. Come on, admit it. That sounds so much better to you, too. It’s okay to say. You, like me, would much rather be inside watching television with your furry friend, then out there mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, trimming edges, and whatever else that guy charges me for.
Do you know how much I truly hate yard work, I won’t even watch gardening shows. That has people sweating, playing in dirt, riding around on tractors and suggesting that I do that to. That just isn’t going to happen. There are so many more exciting things to watch. If I’m going to watch sweating, it’s going to be Cardinal baseball. If I’m going to watch people playing in dirt, it’s going to be Cardinal baseball. Heck, if I’m going to watch someone riding around on a tractor it is going to be the grounds team on Cardinal baseball. In case you haven’t picked up on it, I’m a St. Louis Cardinal fan. You grow up across the river from them, have a dad who played minor league ball, and have a mom that plans her summer nights around redbird games and there is a good chance you will be a member of Cardinal Nation.
I don’t like sports all that much. Cardinal baseball is really about the only time you’ll catch me watching sports on television. I mean, yes I watch the Superbowl, but that’s just because it’s a law. It is a law, right? And I love watching the Olympics, but that’s because I get caught up in the whole ‘Merica thing. And being a child of the 70’s and early 80’s I know it is vital that we beat Russia in every sport in the Olympics. If you don’t believe that you should watch The Americans to get a refresher course on how horrible the Russians are. It’s probably one of the best shows on TV right now. I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a review of it, so stay tuned for that.
I don’t watch basketball, even during March Madness. I hate March Madness. In fact I may hate it more than I hate yard work. Why, as a nation, do we get caught up in some brackets that no one ever gets right? I mean we actually care how famous people fill out their brackets. I think there are like shows on ESPN about that. How ridiculous is that. The other reason I hate March Madness is because it gets in the way of my television watching. My Thursdays have a schedule. Scandal at 8 and Elementary at 9. Not tonight. Nope no Elementary, all because of some stupid basketball game. UGH! I hate March Madness. But not so much that I’m going to go out and mow the lawn or pull some weeds.
The other thing you won’t catch me watching on television is Oprah. I know I’ve talked about my disdain for Oprah on here before, but I thought while I was talking about things I don’t like I would throw that out there again. Just in case you forgot. I have a multitude of reasons why I don’t like Oprah, but the main one is because Oprah is a fraud. That’s right I said it. Oprah is a fraud. Oprah didn’t give away a whole lot of Pontiacs to members of her studio audience. Pontiac did. Oprah has probably never sat her rear in a Pontiac, at least not since her rear started laying golden eggs. You know what else? The items that the studio audience got every year during Oprah’s Favorite Thing episodes didn’t come from Oprah. They came from the companies that paid Oprah to say they were her favorite things. Part of the reason why Oprah is one rich lady is because she figured out that she doesn’t have to pay for anything herself, she gets companies to give her free things and then say she loves them.
I don’t even like Oprah in movies. She’s really not that amazing of an actress. She can cry on cue. Whoopee, so can my twin great nieces and they are only 2 years old. Seriously go back and re-watch The Color Purple. She’s the worst thing about the movie. Spielberg should hate her, too, I think she’s the reason it got snubbed at the Oscars. There I said it, Oprah ruined The Color Purple.
About the only other thing that could have ruined that movie was if they had cast Jim Carrey or Adam Sandler in it. I don’t really like those two either. Well actually I don’t dislike them, I just don’t like the majority of their movies. I’m not a big fan of fart humor. And when I think of those two that is automatically what I think of. My problem with fart humor is that I just don’t think farting is on its own a funny thing. I never got it. Not even as a kid. I was smarter than that. I knew why some stupid relative wanted me to pull his finger, and I wasn’t playing that game. When I see that type of humor in a movie I feel sad that the writers and cast had to sink to the lowest level of humor. It’s not sophomoric. Hell it’s 5th grade at best.
I should probably quit rambling on about what I hate, because you really don’t want me to get stated on coconut. I’ll save that for an Easter post, when you know some idiot is going to ruin a perfectly good cake by putting green colored coconut around it and trying to fool us into thinking it is grass. Which is really stupid, because if I won’t mow grass why would I eat it.
This is a Finish The Sentence Friday post: “The chore I hate doing the most is . . . ” hosted by Kristi from Finding Ninee, Michelle from Crumpets and Bollocks, and Kristinjill from Ripped Jeans & Bifocals. Please take a few minutes to check out what some of the other bloggers did with this sentence!