Trailer Trash

I’m one of those movie goers who believes in getting the entire movie experience.  I believe that one must eat buttered popcorn. Even when one is dieting, butter popcorn has no fat or calories as it is entertainment not food.  One must have a drink, having given up soda a few years ago, I stick with water usually. But I still must have a drink.  By the way I did not give up soda for lent, I gave up Catholicism for lent. And finally, one must arrive early and see the previews.  One simply must. I’ve been known to get very moody if my movie going partner does something to make me miss the trailers.

Recently though, I think I’d be okay with missing some of the trailers.  Based on the ones I’ve seen I don’t know that I need to see a movie until April 3.  Have you seen the trailers for the movies coming out over the next few weeks.  Here’s my take on them:

Cinderella – I do want to see it, and I’m not for sure why, because all I get out of this trailer is that Cate Blanchett is going to steal the movie and the glass slippers.

The Cobbler – Adam Sandler apparently wanted to make a drama but the studio wanted him to make a comedy.  So they decided to fail at both.

Run All Night – Liam Neeson figured out we were tired of the women in his family being taken, so he went and got himself a son that was in trouble?

The Lovers – Josh Hartnett can’t act in the past any better then he can today.

Insurgent – Kate Winslet is bad.  Shailene Woodley is badass. Neither the twain shall meet.

Tracers -Some studio thought that the problem with Taylor Lautner’s Abduction was the title and not the actor, so they remade it with him and changed the title.

The Gunman – Liam Neeson was busy making Run All Night so they got Sean Penn to do Taken 4, and re-titled it.

While We’re Young – Ooooh let’s put Ben Stiller, Naomi Watts, Adam Driver and Amanda Seyfried in a movie. It will be great, boring but great.

Get Hard – I’m sorry, have you seen this trailer? The Bathroom scene? And then this title?  Really?  I mean REALLY?

Zombeavers – No, seriously, that’s the title and yes this is part of the dialogue DUMB HOT BLONDE : We’re looking for beavers. STEREOTYPICAL REDNECK HUNTER: Aren’t we all!                 WHAT THE F#%^?

Serena – Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence.  How could it go wrong. Well let’s just start with the talented Mr. Cooper (that should not be read as sarcastic as I really like him) trying some sort of accent, don’t ask me what kind, I only heard his first line and then was laughing too loud to hear any more.

Do You Believe – Yes, I do believe…. that a church stole the script for Crash and tried to remake it.  I suspect Kirk Cameron is involved.

I just can’t wait until April gets here!  Then we have these three to look forward to.

I really have no interest in Furious 7, but have you seen the trailer?  Damn, if that’s not what a trailer is supposed to be!


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